The Friends You Will Lose, Give Zero F$#ks

It’s really a shame that everyone that calls you a friend isn’t. In fact, they’re often something much more sinister.

After a divorce the people in your life will pick sides and it’s better for everyone if you accept their choice and release them from your life.  They didn’t live in your marriage and they have no right to judge your role in it’s demise, but they will anyway.  The good ones will pick a side openly and make a graceful exit, but be prepared for the ones that will smile in your face and like your kid’s pic on facebook…right before they run off to your ex’s house to gossip about you. You don’t have to be confrontational, just utilize the block feature online and employ the idea in real life.

For me, it was important to develop a sense of humor about it and accept that these people just didn’t have a place in my life anymore. I’m happy with my life! That can’t be changed by someone else’s perception of me. People are going to dislike you if they see you as the villain in your story, that is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to effect you in a negative way. I used to really care about being liked, but I soon came to realize that when I made decisions based on how popular they’d be, I was unsatisfied and unhappy. When I finally started doing what I wanted to do, I lost a few people that didn’t benefit from my change in attitude. Repeat after me: “WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS.” It doesn’t have to effect you at all! Make this your mantra and you will be laughing at your haters in no time.

Some of these so-called friends were probably only interested in being your friend because of their friendship with your former spouse.  Obviously, these will be the first to go, but some others will surprise you. Just as they don’t know or understand your life experiences, remember that you don’t know theirs.

As much as we like to think we know people, what goes on behind closed doors effects people in ways you probably won’t understand. Other friends that have gone through a bad breakup they didn’t want or left an abusive partner will have very strong feelings, and often a distorted perception, about other people’s relationships that might seem to mirror their own. Nothing you do will change that, nor will it save your friendship. People that have been hurt or humiliated by their spouse in a divorce are just naturally more inclined to feel strongly about it when it happens to their friends. They’ll sympathize and want to help the partner they feel was wronged. Let them! Trust me…they are doing you a huge favor.

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