Jail Part 3: EBRPP

Jail Part 3: EBRPP If the essence of complete hopelessness could be captured architecturally, it would probably be called the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison. It is just that bad. If you’ve ever called it home, even if just for a night, then you know that to call the place hell is no exaggeration at all. With charges that range from minor traffic infractions all the way to up aggravated rape and murder, its inhabitants are impossible to label. For more than 4 months in 2014 I was one of them. After being extradited on a decade old bench warrant, I found myself amongst the strange collection of women clad in green at EBRPP. Orange is the new black? More like green is the new suck. Weary from the almost month-long extradition trip, (see https://www.sandisaysstuff.com/jail-part-2-the-extradition-odyssey/) I stared at the holding cell wall trying to solve the mystery of what exactly I […]

Part 3 posting this week!

Here’s a sneak peek… If the essence of complete hopelessness could be captured architecturally, it would probably be called the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison. It is just that bad. If you’ve ever called it home, even if just for a night, then you know that to call the place hell is no exaggeration at all. With charges that range from minor traffic infractions all the way to up aggravated rape and murder, its inhabitants are impossible to label. For more than 4 months in 2014 I was one of them. After being extradited on a decade old bench warrant, I found myself amongst the strange collection of women clad in green at EBRPP. Orange is the new black? More like green is the new suck.

Jail Part 2: The Extradition Odyssey

If you read my blog then you already know how I ended up on an extradition van, but if you’re a new reader, please take the time to read https://www.sandisaysstuff.com/jail-is-a-country-club-and-other-lies-people-tell-you-part-1/ before this one. Part 2 – A private extradition van came to Harris County lockup on day 17 to pick up 2 guys wanted for attempted murder in the same state as my old bench warrant so of course they made room for me in the already packed van. They’re paid per hour per prisoner so they’re in no rush to deliver anyone, dispatched to pickup every inmate waiting for transport within 500 miles that they can get to before the clock runs out. Each body is money in these guys’ pockets. I had no idea that they could keep me in the van in full shackles for 5 days at a time before they were required to house us somewhere. […]

Vomit, Fever & the Awesome Privilege of Being His Mom

I’ve been up for a long time. Not just awake, tossing and turning, but REALLY up up. Doing shit. Important shit. Mom shit. My darling 5-year-old boy got a little clingier than normal yesterday evening and I could feel “it” descending upon us. “Hold you,” he demanded sweetly. This is always the first sign of any serious illness with him. Then came the orange chunky vomit. Then again. Then he led me to sleep next to him on the bathroom floor. More orange chunks. Then back to the bed. And so on all night long and well into the morning. Then the afternoon. My anxiety started rising right along with his temperature. Why isn’t the damn Tylenol working? Should I call the doctor now? She already thinks I’m stupid anyway, no risk of making that any worse. But of course we made it through. We always do. I haven’t slept […]

Jail is a Country Club and Other Lies People Tell You — Part 1

Part 1 – I arrived at Harris County lockup on a Thursday evening in September 2014. I was in the middle of a terrible divorce and my husband arranged to have me arrested on a bench warrant in Louisiana to get rid of me for awhile so he could do some legal maneuvering in the divorce and child custody case. I had failed to register my new address with my probation officer on a charge from 2002. My crime wasn’t violent or drug related, it was a property crime from when I was 22 for which I was given a year of probation. I had broken a technical rule of that probation when we moved for my husband’s job without proper notification which triggered a bench warrant that laid dormant for more than a decade. Since I hadn’t committed a new crime and posed no danger to anyone, I thought […]

My Divorce Nightmare is Over, But Watching My Best Friend Go Through it is Killing Me

Another bully. Another privileged white man that thinks he can bully the mother of his children into submission, and the court system that happily and knowingly enables him. I’ve had a little time to rest and recover and I’ve decided that I simply will not let them do to her what was done to me and thousands upon thousands of mothers across this country.

The Other F Word

Anyone that knows me or casually reads my work, knows that I drop F bombs like nobody’s business. Sometimes “fuck” is the only word that will do. I use it as a noun, a verb, an adverb, and an adjective so I can construct an entire sentence using my favorite word. Fuck is not a word I’m afraid of. But “forgiveness?” Fuck that shit. Forgiveness is often touted as therapeutic, even necessary in order to push past the pain and move forward in life. I’ve often said the words and not meant them, just hoping the words would be enough to make me feel better. Speak it into existence, as they say. Pushing past trauma someone has inflicted on you is a painful process, often built on lies that we hope will become truths. I forgive you. I’ve moved on. If you’re real with yourself, you know that the words […]

Embracing the Joy…and the Things that Slither About

There was a quiet moment between my man and I this morning, so sweet that it made me smile. Instead of allowing it to flit and flutter by, I held onto it for an extra moment. No, normally, these mornings when my little one is away with his dad, the air is less sweet, the clouds grayer and hiding the sun, if only in my mind. Sharing my child is harder than I expected, but I have more than I deserve and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste a moment feeling sorry for myself. Middle son is getting a lizard today and we quietly whispered covert plans to each other on how to handle this sensitive matter. We have a Husky pup that does, for all intents and purposes, consider herself to be a human with all rights thereof. She also likes to snack on lizards in the backyard […]

I was raped… but I’m no longer a victim

There’s a lot of talk about rape and sexual assault this month and I’m glad to see these issues brought to the forefront. Not just from a societal perspective, but a personal one. When I was 19 I was raped by 3 acquaintances at a party. I had too much to drink and passed out. While I was unconscious, I was assaulted. When I woke up, frozen by fear, I didn’t fight back. I hated myself for that. I didn’t spend the day crying in the shower, I went to work. I tried to bury it deep, but it didn’t stay there. The imagery we have of a rape victim is someone that is afraid to leave the house, holed up inside, spending the days in a constant state of fear. The reality of life in the aftermath is quite different. I lost respect for myself and didn’t value my […]

The Friends You Will Lose, Give Zero F$#ks

It’s really a shame that everyone that calls you a friend isn’t. In fact, they’re often something much more sinister. After a divorce the people in your life will pick sides and it’s better for everyone if you accept their choice and release them from your life.  They didn’t live in your marriage and they have no right to judge your role in it’s demise, but they will anyway.  The good ones will pick a side openly and make a graceful exit, but be prepared for the ones that will smile in your face and like your kid’s pic on facebook…right before they run off to your ex’s house to gossip about you. You don’t have to be confrontational, just utilize the block feature online and employ the idea in real life. For me, it was important to develop a sense of humor about it and accept that these people […]